5 R’s for Nursing The Boundary-Setting Hangover: GUILT

Setting healthy boundaries is an important step in taking care of ourselves and ensuring well-being in relationships. However, it's not uncommon to be pummeled by big feelings of guilt after setting them, especially if we're not used to prioritizing our own needs at all.

Because there are no shortcuts, the path will be uncomfortably dark each time you set one. Here are some tips for nursing the boundary-setting hangover:

1. Remind

   yourself that this was your original goal and a necessary part of updating your self-care. Remind yourself of the reasons why you set boundaries in the first place: By prioritizing your own needs and well-being you are slowly strengthening the relationship with yourself - the one needed to hold the healthy relationships you desire with others.

2. Recognize

   the source of your guilt: Try to identify where your feelings of guilt are coming from. Are they internal, such as a belief that you should always put others first? Or are they external, such as pressure from others to not set boundaries? Understanding the source can help you address it more effectively.

3. Reach In:

   And practice self-compassion. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you navigate these feelings. Repeat to yourself that it's actually okay to feel guilty: a sign of change from an unhealthy pattern attempting to call you back into a pit of false safety. Reach in toward the younger, more fearful part of yourself looking to you to model what’s next for her. She needs you to see her.

4. Reach out:

   Talking to a trusted friend or unbiased & skilled therapist can help you process your feelings and gain perspective. Vary your social circle to observe different experiences around boundary setting; When we’re surrounded by people who see & support our growth rather than repeatedly challenge it, we get to “try on” what it’s like to identify desired, healthy relationship patterns.

5. Replay

   positive outcomes & small wins: What benefits, however small, have you gained from prioritizing your own needs today? If you have a tendency to minimize this part, try journaling simple, small wins to review when your self-doubt gets loud.

   Bonus Tip:

   Restrain from weaponizing boundaries when feeling reactive. Boundary setting is not meant to communicate something punitive or manipulative. Boundaries are powerful tools to advocate for healthier relationships and an invitation for our loved ones to grow with us.