Rafiki’s Take On The Past

“Ah yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, we can either run from it, or learn from it. So.. what are you going to do?”

Rafiki invites Simba to hold himself accountable - to not avoid and stay hidden from his full potential. He presents him with this challenge to turn inward: to process pain, reconnect with his needs, to grieve and to step into a grounded self knowing he’d been searching for while pretending to have “no worries”. When he does, he frees himself from the added suffering of pretending.. of avoidance.

It’s not uncommon to be met with smirks; eye rolls and a joke or two when I describe my specialty of early developmental trauma. What a cliché! Therapy about childhoods 🙄

“My childhood was great! We went on vacations”

“My parents did the best they could, I’m grateful for that”

“Oh I don’t have trauma, other people have had it way worse”

“The past is the past, what’s the point of dwelling?!”

None of the above truths are meant to be denied in therapy, and yet, another truth exists: none of us are exempt from pain. But so often what we become exempt from, is learning how to deal with it.

Pain points stick around and invite us to revisit through, sometimes subtle, sometimes significant interruptions in our daily life - from struggling relationship patterns, recurring self-doubt or sabotage, to general avoidance or full-throttle panic attacks. None of which need to be the case.

Each of these moments, big or small is an invitation and window of opportunity to learn something honest about ourselves; something that can lead to healing if we want it. All without taking away everything that was wonderful about your upbringing.

Have you noticed yours today? How did you respond?

It is possible to be able to shift from the above examples of ‘truthful’ avoidance to the ultra-honest reframes:

“My childhood taught me a lot about why I have a tendency to avoid certain personalities, why I self-soothe the way I do, and how to get my needs met consciously now, vs. reactively then.”

“My parents did the best they could, yes, but it hurts that they may not have taken the responsibility of practicing more vulnerability enough to work on themselves to model the emotional maturity I needed.”

“My trauma is “little t”, more relational than anything… I try not to compare my pain to others because I notice it minimizes the pain I’ve experienced. My pain is valid.”

“I can distinguish the difference between reflecting on my past to learn from it AND practicing compassion toward it, and dwelling. All because I know how to process pain more confidently.”

Whether this is something you can align with now or not, I, along with the wise Rafiki, encourage self-reflection. You’re encouraged to not limit yourself and well-being through avoidance but to step into your most rooted self by learning from all parts of it, including, if not most especially, the past.